Get a load of this
One day, for no reason whatsoever, a cosmic fart cloud coalesced inside your mother's ovary β while she was still in utero, bruh! β to construct the biomechanical systems and processes that would eventually develop into your bones, guts, brain, and crippling anxiety. And now here you are, stuck, white-knuckling it through the dumbest of all timelines. This isn't real life, is it?
YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS
And this is how we're coping
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Uppies Please shirt
Regular price $25.00 USDRegular priceSale price $25.00 USD -
Everything Reminds Me of Him card
Regular price $5.50 USDRegular priceSale price $5.50 USD -
Trifling Bitches card
Regular price $5.50 USDRegular priceSale price $5.50 USD -
He Is Rizzin' card
Regular price $5.50 USDRegular priceSale price $5.50 USD -
FUCK ICE engraved horizontal bar necklace
Regular price $28.00 USDRegular priceSale price $28.00 USD -
I Am Trying sticker
Regular price $4.00 USDRegular priceSale price $4.00 USD -
Barely Coping shirt
Regular price $25.00 USDRegular priceSale price $25.00 USD -
I Cry Every Day sticker
Regular price $4.00 USDRegular priceSale price $4.00 USD -
45-47 Flushes card
Regular price $5.50 USDRegular priceSale price $5.50 USD -
Divorce Your Republican Husband unisex raglan shirt
Regular price $30.00 USDRegular priceSale price $30.00 USD -
BESTIES sticker
Regular price $4.00 USDRegular priceSale price $4.00 USD -
Better to Bite the Hand than to Lick the Boot long-sleeve T-shirt
Regular price $30.00 USDRegular priceSale price $30.00 USD -
Legalize Comedy sticker
Regular price $4.00 USDRegular priceSale price $4.00 USD -
Depression Is an Appropriate Response T-shirt
Regular price $28.00 USDRegular priceSale price $28.00 USD -
RIP Trump βΒ Comman-turd In Chief
Regular price $5.50 USDRegular priceSale price $5.50 USD
Feeling better yet?
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The Bad News
Yes, this is really happening. Through no fault of your own, you're hurtling through space on a watery rock going 67,000 miles per hour. Toward what? We're not sure! For what reason? We have theories! Who's in charge? Literally the worst and dumbest people!
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The Good News
You found us! Chaos Engine farms the fruits of our aggressively stupid timeline and uses them as fuel for making darkly funny cards, stickers, clothes, and other goodies to help you navigate the apocalypse, or whatever this chaotic fuckshit is we're all collectively enduring.
Subscribe to Feel Alive
Time is a construct and existence is meaningless but you don't want to miss our emails!
From the blog
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Coming on Easter: Droppings of Joy
We're dropping free art all around Nashville for Easter! Follow our Instagram to get clues on the drops. Be sure to tag us if you find one of our eggs!
Coming on Easter: Droppings of Joy
We're dropping free art all around Nashville for Easter! Follow our Instagram to get clues on the drops. Be sure to tag us if you find one of our eggs!
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We Have Liftoff and We Could Use a Shower
We've been working on this launch for more than a year and finally the Chaos Engine has liftoff β it's time to get weird! And take a shower, yikes. We've...
We Have Liftoff and We Could Use a Shower
We've been working on this launch for more than a year and finally the Chaos Engine has liftoff β it's time to get weird! And take a shower, yikes. We've...
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Chaos Engine plans to launch April 1, 2026
Chaos Engine is an online gift shop that revels in the absurdity of existence through a darkly irreverent point of view. Launching April 1, 2026!
Chaos Engine plans to launch April 1, 2026
Chaos Engine is an online gift shop that revels in the absurdity of existence through a darkly irreverent point of view. Launching April 1, 2026!














